pt. 1/11 · SCHOOL PROJECT

THE HISTORY OF THE PRINTER

a report by Brayden P., Grade 4, Room 12 (Mrs. Kowalski)
(made by his dad Greg) (sorry)

DUE MONDAY 8AMit is Sunday 11:48pm

swipe up ⬆ (sorry)

pt. 2/11 · INTRODUCTION

Thesis Statement

A printer is a machine that puts words on paper, sometimes.

This report was supposed to be a poster. The printer did not print the poster. So now it is a TikTok. Brayden says this is "how people learn now." I'm so sorry, Mrs. Kowalski.

AGENDA (15 min, hard stop)

Where printers came from (Germany)
Why printers hate us (unknown)
Action items: cyan

— apologies for the format, Greg

pt. 3/11 · THE YEAR 1440

Johannes Gutenberg (W)

Around 1440 in Mainz, Germany, Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press with movable metal type. He based the press on a wine press (real). He printed the Bible. It never once asked to update its drivers.

Fig. 1: The Gutenberg press, drawn by hand in MS Paint by Steve from my office. Took him 3 hrs. He spelled it wrong. The green is the paint bucket leaking. Sorry Johannes.

pt. 4/11 · TIMELINE (lore)

Printer Lore 📜

1938 Chester Carlson invents xerography (photocopying) in Queens, NY. Mewing level: early.
1969 Gary Starkweather at Xerox builds the laser printer. Yes, a laser. For paper. Aura +1000.
1970s Dot matrix printers go BRRRT. This sound is the original Tung Tung Tung Sahur.
1984 HP ThinkJet: inkjet comes home. Ink becomes more expensive than (see pt. 7).
Sunday, 11:48pm Our HP OfficeJet stops working. Report changes format. Sorry.

pt. 5/11 · THE DARK AGES (1999–now)

Modern Printer Features

⚠ PC LOAD LETTER

(this is a real HP LaserJet error. In 1999 three men took a printer to a field about it. Brayden is not allowed to watch that movie. Neither am I, apparently, per my wife.)

📶 Wireless Printing: Printer is on the wifi. Printer is not on ur side.
🧬 Genuine Ink Detection™: Reads ur cartridge, decides it's "not genuine." Neither was its love for u.
📧 Scan to Email: Scans. Emails it to someone. Not you.
🔁 Auto Duplex: Jams on both sides of the paper at once. Efficiency.

pt. 6/11 · EXPERIMENT (science fair rules)

pt. 7/11 · BUDGET (Brayden: skip this part)

Print Plans to Finish This Project

Brayden Tier

FREE

Pencil. 1 page. Handwritten. Grade: B− ("see me").

POPULER

Dad Tier

$0.99/page

Office Depot, Monday 7:40am. Black & white. Still requires cyan. Price goes up while u read. Sorry.

Steve Tier

Call Steve

Steve redraws every page by hand in MS Paint, then holds his monitor up to the class. Steve is not available weekends. It is the weekend. Sorry.

🩵 Genuine Cyan Cartridge (3 pages): $47.99 fanum tax included

pt. 8/11 · FIG. 2 (help wanted)

🎨 fig2_faxmachine_FINAL.bmp - Paint_ □ ✕

Steve does all our figures by hand in MS Paint. He is on fig. 2 of 2. Please help him. Sorry.

pt. 9/11 · FAQ (comments, 6.7K)

@mrs_kowalski_rm12 Is this Brayden's own work?
@greg_regional_ops Creator no
@xX_ohio_Xx did the printer ever work
@greg_regional_ops Creator no
@tralalero_fan is cyan real
@greg_regional_ops Creator no
@pta_mom_deb Can I print this FAQ for the fridge?
@greg_regional_ops Creator no
@hr_dept Greg is Steve being paid for this?
@greg_regional_ops Creator no
@mrs_kowalski_rm12 Is one source enough for the bibliography?
@greg_regional_ops Creator no
@brayden.real dad can i go to bed
@greg_regional_ops Creator no
@everyone will u ever stop apologizing
@greg_regional_ops Creator no. sorry.
@gutenberg1440 is every answer in this FAQ "no"?
@greg_regional_ops Creator no

pt. 10/11 · PROJECT TEAM

🖨️🍝Stampantino Inchiostrinothe printer · antagonist · out of cyan

😴Braydenlead researcher · asleep since 8:15

👔😰Gregproject manager · sorry

🖱️🎨Steveart dept · MS Paint · unpaid

🪵🏏Tung Tung Tung Sahursound design (printer warming up, 9 min)

🐊✈️Bombardiro Crocodilopaper jam removal

☕🩰Ballerina Cappuccinaspins in tray 2 · emotional support

🦈👟Tralalero Tralalafact checker · did not check

pt. 11/11 · CONCLUSION + WORKS CITED

Conclusion

In conclusion, the printer.

Works Cited (1)

"Printer (computing)." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, Wikimedia Foundation. Accessed Sunday 11:52 PM. (first paragraph)

Mrs. Kowalski asked for 5 sources. Here is 1 source. I also asked Steve, but Steve is not a source. Sorry.

PROJECT RECEIPT

Cyan (did not use)$47.99

Steve (paid in pizza)2 slices

Weekends lost1

Apologies in this project?

TOTAL$186.40

GRADE: pending (Steve is drawing it)

Parody. Not affiliated with TikTok, HP, Xerox, Wikipedia, or any Room 12. Italian brainrot characters belong to the internet. No printers were harmed (lie). ← more slop

🎬 slopped by @icantcodefyi · duet this if u can code (he cant)